A Light-Hearted Look at Pre-Vanlife Discussions

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Sure, there are discussions on ensuring all preparations are in order, such as bills and insurance.  There are talks on planning what direction to go, where to stop, where to stay.  There are conversations on emergencies, such as what happens if the babies get hurt or you get hurt or I get hurt.  Sure, there are these exchanges.

These, though, are not ones that we wanted to share.

Instead, we wanted to shed (hopefully humorous) light on our heart-to-heart talks before vanlife.  This is a compilation of conversations we have had since purchasing our 1965 Clark Cortez motorhome.  You’re welcome.

* * * * *

In discussing the layout and purchases for our motorhome . . . 

Him: “A TV screen?”
Me: “No.”
Him: “
What?” He pauses to holds up a cellphone.  “So we’re just going to watch — ”
Me: “
Each other.  We are just going to watch each other.”
A look of disgust crosses his face.  Him: “A TV — I think so.”
Me: “No.”
Him: “
Think I’m just talking to you all the time?”

I thought there was one unspoken understanding of living in a very small motorhome together: You will see each other — a lot.  I think it is clear we are off to a rough start already.

* * * * *

Weeks, maybe even months later, he is clearly still unhappy about the no-TV ruling and questioning what we are going to do . . .

Me: “Listen.  I really want, for me at least, the Cortez to be an escape — from society and news and movies and just the bullshit.  I want to enjoy nature and see sunsets and watch the stars at night and — ”
Him: “
So that’s why we’re going to have YouTube channel?”
Me: “
I mean, fair point.  I haven’t figured it all out.”

I can already tell this conversation is not over.  Oh, how there will be more . . .

* * * * *

We are chatting about tentative routes . . . 

Him: “Where do you want to go in winter?  Warm or cold states?
Me: “I mean, I want to see snow.  Lots of snow.”
He looks like I just told him there is a beer shortage: “What?! You hate snow!”

It’s true.  Very true.  I hate being cold.  And I hate being wet when I’m cold.

Me: “I know but I’m excited to be out in it in the Cortez.”

Y’all, I see myself as pretty easy to understand, but I don’t think he gets me at all . . .

* * * * *

We are prioritizing what we need to determine how much money we need . . .

Me: “How are we going to save before vanlife?  For real.  We need to cut going out and buying things.  How are we going to be able to do this?”
Him: “The same way I’m going to afford Netflix.  Better start saving now.”

Yep, I knew we hadn’t gotten over the no-TV talk . . .

* * * * *

Each time, we have serious alarm-clock chats before waking to work on the Cortez . . .

Him before we go to bed: “Let’s just wake up early tomorrow.  Listen, I know — but let’s just do it.  Wake up.  Get to the Cortez.  Go!”
Him twelve and a half hours later: “I mean, it just didn’t happen.  A man was tried.  What can I say?  It just didn’t happen.”

And so we will try again . . . and again . . . and . . . 

* * * * *

The best compliment at the best time . . .

After having trouble uploading our YouTube videos, I give in and contact the company for the editing program I use, Adobe.  Long story short, the Adobe man opens my project and says — I quote — that he is “impressed” that I have — listen to this — “complex editing” before saying I have more editing experience than him!

Whether it is the Adobe man’s first day on the job is undetermined.
Whether it is the Adobe man’s first time ever seeing an edited project, undetermined.
BUT what is determined: An Adobe man said I am a badass editor!

Pst — To view these talented editing skills, visit our YouTube channel!

* * * * *

Andy can carry on full-blown conversations with me while he sleeps and even in his dreams, he is focused on RV repairs . . .

Him: “The screen fell off.”
Me: “How?”
Him: “I touched it. It was a Winnebago screen.”
Me: “When did that happen?”
Him: “Now.  I just touched it and it fell out when I was putting a piece of wood in.”
Me: “Was anyone with you?”
Him: “I think so.”
Me: “Who?”
Him: “Don’t know.”
Me: “What were you working on?”
Him: “Don’t know.”
Me: “How do you feel?”
Him: “Good.”
Me: “What will you work on now?”
Him: “I didn’t want to do the roof stuff.”
Me: “Why?”
Him: “Not as fun.”
Me: “Oh, I think so.”
Him: “No.”
Me: “What do you want to do then?”
Him: “Take it apart.”
Me: “We can do that.  When do you want to?”
Him: “Tomorrow, eh?”
Me: “We can do that tomorrow.  Does that make you happy?”
Him: “I guess.”
Me: “You just guess?”
Him: “Yea.”

* * * * *

Be privy to our actually super-serious conversations as we drive to our Cortez . . .

Me: “Let’s pretend we are in a dream world and we are going to — let’s call it — Car World, which is a perfect world with every auto mechanic desire, need, or want.”
Him: “Wait — What’s our goal here?”
Me: “You’ll see.  Just let yourself figuratively fall asleep . . . ”
Him: “Okay, I’m joining you in dream world.  I’m asleep.”
Me: “So we purchase — let’s call it — Perfect Cortez Rolling Chassis — ”
Him: “L, that’s not possible.  I don’t know how many times I have to say — ”
Me: “Listen — I thought you said you were in dream world?”
Him: “If I were in dream world with you — ”
Me: “You are — ”
Him: “Right.  I am.”
Me: “Okay.  Welcome.”
Him: “Hi — ”
Me: “Alright so again, we are in dream world and we purchase Perfect Cortez Rolling Chassis — that, of course — fits our Cortez because, after all, my goal is to get a lift kit and larger tires. What needs to happen?”
He hesitates a moment then allows himself to imagine: “Okay, I’m joining you in Dream World. First, we need to move the body off our old chassis and onto our new one.  For that alone, we need at least ten strong people.”
Me: “Okay, strong, able-bodied, and flexible . . . ”
Him: “Yes” . . .

and so we form our Dream Cortez Group: Andy’s in it, his boss, three friends from work, another work friend that transferred jobs, his dad, my three of four cousins because they live close, my brother-in-law, my brother-in-law’s dad, my brother-in-law’s brother, and — with a bit of disgruntlement from him — me.
Perfect Cortez Dream World Assemblers: Gather!  I mean, sure — He’d prefer to have more, but we do what we can . . .

Me: “So let’s now be realistic.  What needs to be moved off our Cortez and onto this new chassis?”
Him, 
running through it all: “The body, the steering column, exhaust . . . ” and more . . .
Me: “Why is this so impossible?!  I don’t get it.”

To me, I’m inches from my dream . . .

He then casts my way the most extreme crazy expression and responds: “Well for starters, Car World doesn’t exist so that’s the first road block.”

Friends, it is safe to say we are back at square one to repairing our Cortez . . .

* * * * *

Forget cultural differences.  We’re talking grammar differences . . .

Me: “What wood bends?”
Him: “Bends?  It is ‘bend.'”
Me: “No.  Bends — What wood bends?”
Him: “It’s bend.  What wood bend.”
Me: “No it’s not.”
Him: “Yes it is — ‘Bends’ is incorrect grammar.”

Y’all.  He is challenging my grammar skills.  Listen, I know no one is perfect but he is challenging my grammar skills . . .

Me: “No it really is not — Wood is singular, or well I guess plural — but it doesn’t matter.  I just wanted an answer so know what?  Forget it.  I’ll figure it out on my own.”

I turn to Google: “What wood bends?”  He leans over to see what I am doing.

Him: “OH!  I thought you were saying, ‘What would bend!”

* * * * *

That’s all for now but check back into this page with more on our vanlife ramblings!

Author: Soul of a Seeker

We are one American girl and one English bloke who seek an escape in nature. We chase a different life, one not dictated by society. With our pup-kit-cat and rare 1965 Clark Cortez motorhome, we have one soul of a seeker.

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